Another Chapter Closing...

Well, sad as I am to say it....it is time for another chapter in this blog to close. The blog will remain - and I will update as I can - but it is doubtful it will be on any regular basis.

The pain is progressively getting worse and I am severely tired each day. Oh - I am still living life just as large as I can right now - but not on any grand scale.

Due to the recession - which even The Accidental Tourist has succumbed to - I no longer have internet at home and am too sore to sit for any length of time at the library to blog. I will be checking email once a week - so please feel free to continue to comment and email.

I am on target for another appt with my clinic doc on June 1st - not my regular doc, but the new part-timer who is filling in. I am hoping to have some sort of success with meds. The Tylenol with Codeine originally prescribed for me does not work.........so I am gritting my teeth and just trying to get through until my next appt. Keep your fingers crossed that this new doc will have some idea of what will work on this most irritating flank pain.

Wish I could blog longer....so much to say.......but too tired and too sore. Until the next time......

Happy Mothers Day!!

Well, judging by this pic I think I have finally discovered Victoria's Secret...her line of apparel can make anyone look and feel just a little better :) Thought this would bring a good chuckle to all the moms out there......

Well - good news - the CA-125 came back within normal range..( a 14 - normal range was 0-35)..Yeah!!! One less thing to worry about...a small reason to celebrate.

I am running short on inspiration this morning.....it is too early.....and I woke up with a bad stomach ache....so this post is likely to be brief. I have also inadvertently woke up hubby - who is being a sweetheart and doing laundry at 4am!

A couple more things to add to me suggestions for surviving this recession:

-Movie rental places such as Movie Gallery will often call you every couple months and offer you a FREE rental if you haven't rented in a while - we get at least a few of these each year.....can't beat FREE.
-Perhaps ditch the land line for the cell phone.....either a prepaid or your existing carrier. This will save you some good money - so long as you aren't on the phone all the time or you have a really good calling plan.

Well, that about does it for this post..........Happy Mothers Day to all the Mommy's out there.......

Inspired.....

You know, secretly, I have ALWAYS wanted an English Bulldog. Some say they have a face that only a mother could love....I think they are so sweet looking. If I had an English Bully-Boy I would call him Francis....or Noah. Just too cute.

Not so much a busy week - just been very tired. Personally, I think the term fatigue is an understatement. I am starting to verbally admit that I am slowing down more....recognizing my limitations....and not liking it one bit. I remember when I was 19 - I thought I was invincible....we think we are going to live forever. At that age it seems as though nothing can hold us back or hold us down. At 38 - and with cancer - I am seeing just how delusional I was at that tender young age. I am the first one to say that life is what you make it - and you can have a certain amount of control over what you choose to do with life's little curve balls. But there comes a point where you need to be realistic about your own reality. It's never been more important than now for me to live each day like the next one is never gonna come. I firmly believe that I will be here for awhile......but the reality of my illness catches up to me mentally every time my symptoms get worse. Cancer is most fun when your body isn't constantly reminding you that you have it.

My clinic doctor had a massive heart attack last weekend and just had quadruple bypass surgery on Monday. Needless to say, I feel kind of shitty now for being so mad at him about my last appointment. He was unprofessional - I think most anyone would agree. But - my compassionate side sees how hard it must be for a doctor to become the patient - to deal with his own mortality. Perhaps his own experience will make him less jaded towards his patients....perhaps he will just retire now....or perhaps nothing at all will change. Doctors aren't perfect - and they certainly aren't God. They are fallible and make mistakes - I just feel so crappy now for being so mad at the guy. At least I didn't give him a nickname as I have done for other memorable, unprofessional physicians.....such as Dr. Rude.

He will be out of the office for at least 8 weeks - which means that I get to blog today instead of going to the clinic. The clinic does have a part-timer who will come in from another clinic to help a little - which means I won't get seen again until June 1st. On that note - I did manage to get the new doctor to order a CA-125 - this is supposed to help us determine if this cystic mass with irregular margins on the right ovary is cancerous or just an inconvenience. Got the blood draw done on Wednesday - and my hospital had to send the CA-125 out to another lab - so hoping to have the results back by Monday. Naturally I am very anxious to get these results back - I am really hoping the lab value on the CA-125 is normal. I really don't need another cancer to worry about....thank you.....but one is plenty.

Anyone who has seen Forrest Gump surely remembers his phrase - 'Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get'. That is so true. Life really is like a box of chocolates.......some of us get the generic ones......others seem to be born with the Whitman's Sampler. At any rate - at some point - you're gonna bite into a very yucky piece of chocolate. I consider my husband to be one of those sweeter pieces.....you know the kind......you bite in and it is like one of the greatest truffles ever known to mankind. Then of course....this cancer is like that piece that you are so excited about....then you bite into it to discover that it has lemon creme in it (which lemon creme should NEVER go into anything other than a pie). YUCK!! You just never know what you are going to get until you bite into it......(this is why I prefer the box that gives you the complete map and description of what exactly is in the box - this way I can totally avoid the yucky ones).

It seems as though I can think of a million things to say on this blog - when I am anywhere BUT at my computer. I sit in front of my iMac and I just blank sometimes. I have always considered myself to be a creative writer to some extent. I like expressing myself through the written word. My friend Deb calls it being 'inspired'. I like that term. It seems as though I am inspired all throughout the day with things to say.....but then when I come here.....I can't remember any of those great things that I wanted to say. At least they seemed great and profound at the time.

Looking like thunderstorms and 70 degrees today. Hoping for a good thunder and lightning show at some point today. When the light show begins, I will just get comfy in my aluminum chair out in the breezeway and test the fickle finger of fate.....right in front of the glass patio doors. No - better not - mom would have a fit :) I can still hear her advice every time I see a storm coming.....stay away from windows, water and metal when it is lightning.....basically go to the basement until it passes. Wise words.......but I have an insatiable urge to stand right there and see what is coming. It's like, if something is going to get me......I want to be right there to see it coming.....I don't want it sneaking up on me.

Well - off to bed again. I have only been up for 4 hours now and can barely keep my eyes open. This is happening too much lately.....I sleep 8 hours at night.....then end up taking a couple naps during the day. This is insane.......

What's In A Name?

Wow - been a pretty heavy news week last week - and if the early morning news is any indication - the same will be true this week. We've managed to go to a Phase 5 from the WHO (indications from Madrid news are that we are going to a Phase 6 today) - many more are sick- but fortunately the flu is not as severe here in the States as it is south of the border. Ohio now has 3 confirmed cases - 2 in Franklin County and 1 in Lorain County. We also have probable cases in Portage and Holmes counties - not to mention 40+ suspected cases. Not very much when you look at other states like Texas and New York.

Yes, indeed - lots of news. I agree with the decision to rename this flu bug what it actually is - Influenza A (H1N1). To call it the swine flu was just incorrect and caused the senseless deaths of many pigs. That said, over the weekend this tricky virus proved that it could be spread at least in one instance from human to a pig in Canada. Viruses are always changing - mutating - and this is why it is best to lean towards the side of caution. Over the weekend, the big news was the concern over this virus mixing with another deadly one - HIV. Let's hope that is only in theory and never materializes.

As I said before, I have started 'Twittering'. I have noticed that there are a lot of people not taking this flu seriously. Many are sick of hearing about it - many think it is blown way out of proportion. Only time will tell - and the immediate future may not need to be our biggest concern - but perhaps our concern should lie in the fall of this year when we head back into flu season. History has been known to repeat itself.....lets hope in this instance that it does NOT.

The flu news has kept my mind occupied....given me something to do this past week. Watched some movies with hubby this weekend - Bride Wars was an absolute hoot! Hubby says this is a total chick flick and does not recommend it for men :) Of course, in light of all the news out there, I couldn't resist picking up a copy of an old favorite - Outbreak - starring Dustin Hoffman and Rene Russo. I also broadened my horizons and took in the newer remake of A Raisin in the Sun starring P. Diddy.

Looks like we are rounding the corner for some more warmer weather - low 70's work great for me. Please - no more 85+ degree weather for awhile. Back when it was that hot I got to work on my tan a bit - another plus to metastatic kidney cancer - skin cancer is the least of my concerns. I am not stupid about my sun exposure - I don't use oil or lotions or anything - just 15 minutes here or there out in the warm sunshine. It was just enough to make the freckles on me pop out :)

We had a real treat Friday night - the Mennonite youth from our district came over and sang for us. There must have been about 30 teens here in our breezeway - and the acoustics were GREAT!! I hope they will come back soon for a visit - it is so nice to see them and to hear their angelic voices.

I am still pooped from yesterday - I got an energy spurt at 6am - I must have cleaned for almost 2 hours - then I was exhausted the rest of the day. I am usually fairly tired and though I have thoughts about what all I would like to get done in the house - I never quite get through my little list. Well, got through it yesterday - and will probably pay for it the rest of the week.

So, on that note - I am debating on hitting the hay again. I woke up at 4am - read the news - and here I sit. Blogging is making me sleepy. I will try to post more updates this week. BTW - I still haven't heard back from my clinic with a referral for where to go for the needle biopsy on my right ovary.....I don't know why I actually expected them to follow through.....and it is sad when your own doctor doesn't have a clue where to send you for further treatment.

Egypt to Kill All Pigs

Just a quick update on the news......Egypt has announced a mass culling of over 400,000 pigs in their country as a result of swine flu. It isn't that there are mass cases of it in their country - more so because they are trying to calm the fears of their people. Honestly, a most asinine decision.

Egypt Orders Slaughter of All Pigs

Anyone who knows me - knows that I feel very strongly about animal rights. It doesn't surprise me that Egypt would make such a decision - look out how other countries have dealt with similar animal diseases......countries kill their chickens and birds because of avian flu fears......they kill cows because of mad cow fears. It is just sad.

The Swine Flu cannot be caught by eating pork.....and this is spreading from human-to-human - NOT because we are all going around petting piggies. Give me a break. People tend to forget that this virus is a 'mixture' of human, avian and swine flu.

I hope PETA gets involved......to mass slaughter just to appease the people is just plain wrong.

Oink! Oink!

Trust me - I am not trying to make light of the Swine Flu situation - but you know me - I have to try and keep a little humor going in the worst of situations. And besides, that is just one cute pig!

A pig, a bird and a human walk into a bar......

I really don't like that they are calling it the Swine Flu - after all, it is one part human flu, one part avian (bird) flu and 2 parts pig flu. So - to call it Swine Flu is really only half correct. I have been keeping myself busy between the warm weather here and surfing the net over this flu.

On the weather - boy did I get what I wished for and more.....we had 3 days where the temps hit about 90 degrees. I wanted warm - not early August hot as a furnace weather. And yes, I did pray specifically. That has to be a first for NE Ohio to get that warm in April. It was nice having the windows open and warm breezes blowing through - but trying to sleep at night was a real trick. We have fans to help beat the heat at night - but I was resisting the urge because when the fan is on, then I can't hear the Spring Peepers while I fall asleep. So - the peepers won out - not likely to happen during the next heat wave though. Yesterday started out warm - so warm that I did a load of laundry - my tank tops and such - thinking I would hurry up and get them washed up and get a shower - I figured the heat wave would continue longer. No sooner did I get all my tank tops dried then the cold front came in. BBBRRRR! It got cold fast - seriously - it felt like we went from 80 degrees to 45 degrees in minutes.

Ok - back to the flu thing. I have found some really good websites for keeping track of the flu. I have also succumbed to 'tweeting' on 'Twitter'. Lord help me......one more website to keep up with.....but it is kind of cool. So - if you want - you can find me on Twitter - I am KristyRae (they don't give you enough letters in your username for me to be The Accidental Tourist). I am mostly just following Swine Flu reports at the moment.....but we shall see what comes of it.

Here are some of the websites I have been going to:

World Health Organization Pandemic Phase Alert

CDC Swine Flu

RSOE EDIS Pandemic Monitoring

Twitter - BreakingNews

The WHO website will let you know what phase level we are at (currently at a 4 right now) and what that means exactly. The CDC website shows the number of confirmed cases in the US (currently 64 cases) - though it isn't updated very well with regard to new cases. The RSOE EDIS website is excellent for seeing where all this swine flu is - and you can sign up for Pandemic Alert emails - which are very informative. Last but not least - the Twitter site....BreakingNews seems like a good one......there are many other sites on Twitter following the flu outbreak as well - just look under Swine Flu to find them.

All in all - who knows where this is going. I pray that this is something that will pass.....but it is still too early in the game to know if this will be another 1918 Pandemic or a short-lived thing. Pray and keep well.......wash your hands - cover your mouth when you cough......etc.

Simply Unprofessional....

This is the face that I left the clinic wearing on Friday. I was not ameowsed.....to put it mildly. I hate going to the doctor anyways - let alone to my clinic. Words just can't describe my doctor....but at least I can vent about what happened.....

I get in the exam room and my doc comes in. He sits down and proceeds to fill out the obligatory form that he must do each visit - front and back. As he is writing, he asks how I have been feeling. I tell him that I have been exceptionally tired the past week - and it seems like the least little thing that I do just wipes me out. You would think he would acknowledge what I just said - ask some pointed questions - but NO. He proceeds to tell me how he hasn't slept through the night in over a year. How his PSA test came back really high - how HIS doctor put him on FloMaxx and something else and that it isn't helping. How he has to get up and pee multiple times every night because his prostate is so enlarged. One phrase for you.....TMI (Too Much Information).

Of course, we discuss my pelvic ultrasound results - and he tells me that I need to get into an OB/GYN to get the needle biopsy done on my right ovary. He doesn't ask if I am in pain (which it is hurting now more frequently). He doesn't even actually give me a referral on where I should go. He does, on the other hand, discuss this small mass that I have on my cervix briefly.....just enough to do the most unprofessional thing I have ever witnessed a doctor do.....

In the exam room he mentions having another patient who had the same small mass on her cervix....he scratches his head as he is thinking....then blurts out her name. He begins to wonder aloud where it was she went to have it looked at. She didn't have insurance.....she was unemployed.....then he actually says her full name out loud. You would think this is bad.....but it gets worse.

As we left the exam room the doc led me to the nurses station. He starts talking openly about this woman - says her full name repeatedly for any patient to hear - stuff he remembers about her - then asks for her chart. The doctor is standing right beside me at the counter - the nurse hands him the womans chart - and he proceeds to go through the chart right in front of me. He is mumbling all kinds of things about her - things that I shouldn't know - things that no one should know about another patient. So much for HIPAA laws.....so much for privacy. Needless to say, I did tell the doc that he had better never do such a thing with my file in front of another patient.

In the end, my doc had no idea where to send me to get the OB/GYN stuff checked out. And - he scheduled me for another appointment in 2 weeks - with no explanation as to why he is wanting to see me more frequently. Since December I have been having to go to the doctor every month - he is expecting that one of these months I am going to take a big ole turn for the worse.

So - that pretty much sums up the doctors appointment. The weather has been just beautiful - hence why I haven't been posting much. I have been too busy enjoying the sunshine and warm weather. If you remember - I have spent a fair amount of time this winter complaining about the cold and the gloom and how all I want is some warm weather. Well, I got my wish. I actually found myself complaining yesterday - as I sat in my 80 degree living room - that I was hot. Suddenly I felt bad for complaining - because, after all - this is what I wanted.

More good weather on tap for today and tomorrow. I am keeping an eye on the news about the swine flu outbreak going on as well. As it stands there are cases in California, Texas, Kansas - and yet to confirm cases in Massachusetts and Minnesota. Looks like the students in NYC 'may' have it too. Mexico, of course, and probable cases in New Zealand......will have to keep monitoring to see where else it goes.